Never The Twain Shall Meet

Twain. Two.

I recall having told the entire group of students in a high school ESL classroom that, “You people…” and I do not remember the entirety of my statement. At least one student, known for being quite vocal, objected to my message. He fired back with,”You people?!?” Complaint duly noted.

“Yeah.” And I continued to educate this student, after all we were in an academic setting. I said, “You are you people, and I am me people, and never the twain shall meet.” We are too different to coexist.

I have to say that it thrilled me to no end to use this phrase in this particular group of students. Honing their speaking, reading and writing skills in English was embedded in the curriculum. But, this bit of archaic English stumped them. Anytime one can stump a group of teenagers, seize the moment.

I haven’t gone on to regale too many others with my mastery of archaic English. Maybe we could reinvent and revive the usage of twain.

One, twain, three… comes to mind.

The animals entered the ark twain by twain.

Making dinner reservations for twain.

The doctor advised, “Take twain aspirin and call me in the morning.”

She had lost twain pounds and wanted to lose twain more.

It sold originally for $15 but was marked down twain dollars.

This old man he played twain he played knick-knack on his ??

I read twain books last week.

My grandson is twain years old.

Twain of the tires need replacing.

Their address is: 1010twain Jefferson.

I eat twain pieces of See’s each week.

He ordered twain pepperoni pizzas.

I found twenty-twain cents in my pocket.

Twain heads are better than one.

That’s the twain o’clock train.

Egyptian King Twaintankhamun

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